If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
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Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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