I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
