I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
