he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
