dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
