Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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