where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
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