Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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