rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize