I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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