hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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