I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
