Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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