I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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