We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize