remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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