i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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