he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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