drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
