it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
