I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
