So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
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He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
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They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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