so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
