I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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