So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize