We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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