"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
whose parrot is this?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Never let your siblings swipe right.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize