Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
