we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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