Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
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There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
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I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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