while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
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Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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