hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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