And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
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in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
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we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
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