I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
