ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
