hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
