He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
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Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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