You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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