I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
