We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The feeling are messing with the penis
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
