im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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