drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
