Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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