I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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