This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
