he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
