You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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