She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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