I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
too bad you live with your parents still
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
