Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
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I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
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Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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