You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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