I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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