Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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