i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
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she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
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OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old