Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
naw, they were rude, not me.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.