this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in