hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
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Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ