its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.