So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
