whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
