Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
