Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
