yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?