Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.