How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic