Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
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mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
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Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette