Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
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I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration