when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
23 Cringeworthy Responses to “I Love You”
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk