well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌