yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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