I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?