guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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