i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
