I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
