We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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